Conflict weariness – that very human trait

Like doctors mediators can be forgiven for developing an overly negative view of life and of people. The overwhelming majority of patients are unwell. Doctors do very little work with the healthy. Life’s infections and afflictions dominate their perspective. Most doctors are extremely busy. The unwell are ever-present. Mediators too see people who are in a painful place in their life or work. This is not a reducing phenomenon. Although resolution provides a soothing palliative for the mediator and the parties, I am frequently shocked by the ease with which people disagree and fight and the range of issues which provoke them.

Time and time again unresolved conflicts are concealed, suppressed or ignored. Disputants in the meantime download frustration, manipulation, aggression and oppression on anyone who happens to be around. Some relish conflict, others are defeated by it. Conflict bleeds outwards and has catastrophic effects on capability and performance. Most UK managers feel ill equipped to manage conflict. Workers in the UK are certainly more willing and able to raise issues and assert their rights often across boundaries of hierarchy and status. Significant amounts of time are consumed as managers are confronted with ‘people problems’ – grievances, disputes and negative behaviour.

Human conflict remains a continuing challenge for many of us. It can weigh us down. Like pheasants in the country or pigeons in town evolution does not seem to have improved our reaction to dangerous and risky situations. Pigeons or pheasants run at cars or freeze. Humans panic in the face of conflict, react aggressively or become completely immobilized by it. Dysfunctional behaviour is normal when conflict happens. If you feel incapable of saying what you need during a dispute you are not weak or unwell. People say or do unexpected things when affected by the emotion and disequilibrium of conflict.

I have recently been writing about conflict resolution again and at least that has forced me to remember resolution as well as conflict. I have reconfigured my conflict weariness into something more constructive - resolution readiness. If conflict is normal then resolution must figure at least as often as protracted disagreement. We humans are so good at selectively remembering the bad stuff even when surrounded by positive, healthy memories. Read all about resolution readiness for organisations in the ABC Guide to Conflict Resolution and re-energise your approach to conflict.

John Crawley

 

Conversations that improve everybody’s lives

It is a shame that mediators across different sectors do not often meet and exchange tips very often because there is a lot we can learn from one another. I recently ran a three day mediation training course with Good Relations Oldham who came into being after the Oldham Riots. On their web site they state that their aim is ‘To help build good relations between people, communities and organisations. Independence and impartiality are our guiding principles.’ GRO ‘offers conflict resolution and mediation services and training’ and claims that ‘we can help you develop insight that will change the way you look at conflict forever.’

A team of dedicated, diverse volunteers have trained over 200 people in mediation and conflict resolution skills and also resolved some difficult community issues. When I met and worked with the team, I was really impressed by how each person had a distinctive voice and had chosen to put considerable personal resources into relationship building for a range of personal, cultural and social reasons. This was not a career trip or qualification hunt but an act of conviction.

The GRO practitioners also had a range of stories, anecdotes and snapshots about their work, the people they have trained and the people they work with. Samples of this appear on a recent video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmlvss4_trE.

GRO has created a powerful resource achieving much more than just an improvement of case resolution rates. When workplace mediators finish their training they are often equally inspired by what they have learned about themselves, and the positive nature of mediation. Hopefully they retain and develop their optimism as they work through their cases. Many organisations leave it there and do not make the most of what they have created.

What I learned from GRO is that it is possible to go beyond casework and offer much more than just an alternative to more formal, legal approaches to conflict resolution. This dedicated group has developed beyond mediation casework to also provide training, conflict coaching, community building and group facilitation. This is a model that I believe could suit many workplaces. Just imagine the spreading the skills and self-awareness that build good relations and encourage challenging ‘conversations that improve everybody’s lives.’

See more about ‘going beyond casework in the up and coming ABC Guide to WorkplaceConflict Resolution – Part 2 Resolution Architecture.

John Crawley