Like doctors mediators can be forgiven for developing an
overly negative view of life and of people. The overwhelming majority of
patients are unwell. Doctors do very little work with the healthy. Life’s
infections and afflictions dominate their perspective. Most doctors are
extremely busy. The unwell are ever-present. Mediators too see people who are
in a painful place in their life or work. This is not a reducing phenomenon.
Although resolution provides a soothing palliative for the mediator and the parties,
I am frequently shocked by the ease with which people disagree and fight and
the range of issues which provoke them.
Time and time again unresolved conflicts are concealed,
suppressed or ignored. Disputants in the meantime download frustration, manipulation,
aggression and oppression on anyone who happens to be around. Some relish
conflict, others are defeated by it. Conflict bleeds outwards and has
catastrophic effects on capability and performance. Most UK managers feel ill
equipped to manage conflict. Workers in the UK are certainly more willing and
able to raise issues and assert their rights
often across boundaries of hierarchy and status. Significant amounts of time
are consumed as
managers are confronted with ‘people problems’ – grievances, disputes and
negative behaviour.
Human conflict remains a continuing challenge for many of
us. It can weigh us down. Like pheasants in the country or pigeons in town
evolution does not seem to have improved our reaction to dangerous and risky
situations. Pigeons or pheasants run at cars or freeze. Humans panic in the
face of conflict, react aggressively or become completely immobilized by it.
Dysfunctional behaviour is normal when conflict happens. If you feel incapable
of saying what you need during a dispute you are not weak or unwell. People say
or do unexpected things when affected by the emotion and disequilibrium of
conflict.
I have recently been writing about
conflict resolution again and at least that has forced me to remember
resolution as well as conflict. I have reconfigured my conflict weariness into
something more constructive - resolution readiness. If conflict is normal then
resolution must figure at least as often as protracted disagreement. We humans
are so good at selectively remembering the bad stuff even when surrounded by
positive, healthy memories. Read all about resolution readiness for
organisations in the ABC Guide to Conflict Resolution and re-energise your
approach to conflict.
John Crawley
