I
have been working recently on the concept of moving from a conflict reactive to
a conflict proactive Resolution Climate[1].
The picture above illustrates that concept from storms to sun.
I
have been applying it at an organisational level, but realised that is has
significance and impact at micro level. Done well mediation can change the
conflict climate between two individuals.
A
couple of months ago I walked into a small room in central London followed by
two people who walked with hesitant steps, avoiding eye contact and greyed with
the signs of worry. They had signed up for a joint mediation session after some
weeks of being unsure. One agreed because ‘he could not stand not looking their
manager in the eye anymore.’ The manager came along because she thought it was
her last chance to get her point of view across.
I
had met them each four weeks ago and the mediation planned for the same day was
paused. Each was relieved to have spoken and been listened too but were
doubtful of their ability to go to the next step, lacking confidence about
their colleagues intentions. A cloud of disappointment hung over the manager
and a storm of triggered frustration sat just below the member of staff’s edgy
surface.
The
parties were brave to eventually agree to meet one another in a joint mediationsession. For them the risk was worth it.
The
manager was patronisingly phlegmatic early on which caused simmering resentment
and initially I had to pause the parties a lot, acknowledge, clarify and defuse
the tension. As me moved into sustained direct dialogue each started opening up
about context – their own lives, the things they kissed about the work environment
and the pressure in what used to be a ‘soft’ job. They also started to get
where the other one was coming from. A lot of gesturing, shrugging and some
spicy language but now accompanies by engaging, more open body language and
less personalised tone.
I
could feel it and so could they. Their differences were present but less
significant. They had found a way through the no-eye-contact fog and their real
feelings and needs were coming out.
Two
and a half hours after we entered the room we emerged with an agreement on all
issues pertaining to work duties and communication issues. They were more
upright, less hesitant and continued to talk as they headed off along the
corridor. The shadowy ghosts who had arrived had been re-inhabited by real
people – animated, solid and more together than they had been for some time.
Just imagine the climate change when they arrived back with their team!
John
Crawley
[1]
See Resolution Climate – Part 4 ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution at http://www.peopleresolutions.com/resource/abc-guide-to-conflict
