Listening to the radio on the
way into work the other day I heard ‘Thought for the Day’ in which The Revered
Ruth Scott, an Anglican vicar in Richmond spoke about managing conflict on a
highly emotive issue – Women Bishops - that comes with centuries of beliefs,
history and values attached. Ruth mentions that ‘Many of our decision-making
processes require us to take sides, to win arguments, to beat the opposition
and to gain power by defeating ‘the other’. It doesn’t have to be that way.’
Ruth also outlines core skills
that she used such as listening attentively, ‘holding in sight the humanity of
the other’ and ‘respecting the right of the other to share their story.’ This
piece recognised the need to look at processes and skills when attempting to
resolve age-old differences. The fact that this proactive, dialogue based approach
is being applied to such a difficult conflict is encouraging.
I have spent most of my working
life helping people at work to ‘disagree well’ - a concept which is threaded
through our new ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution. This series of
whitepapers is full of ideas and practical steps to take. The ultimate goal is
to create an environment at work in which conflict is no longer viewed as
something that spreads fear, confusion and closed thinking. ‘Resolution ready’
organisations resolve conflict in a positive way, so that disagreement becomes
a fertile, engaging experience in which ideas flourish, performance is restored
and trust rebuilt.
I wish the Revered Ruth Scott
all the best in her facilitation endeavours. The full text Ruth’s short talk are published below:
“Words, words, words, I’m so
sick of words.” So sang Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. She
reminds us that while it may be good to talk, communication isn’t always all
it’s cracked up to be. Over the weekend I was helping to facilitate
conversations at General Synod between members whose views about Women Bishops
are very different.
One reason why communication
goes pear-shaped and conflict occurs is because fear prevents us having difficult
conversations in the way we need to have them – by listening attentively,
respecting the right of the other to share their story, taking responsibility
for the consequences of the different choices we have, and always holding in
sight the humanity of the other. The conversations at Synod were painful
because members heard how damaging earlier debates had been, not only to
themselves, but to those they opposed.
Acknowledging shared pain and
working to reframe the dialogue was emotionally costly, but by the end of the
day the message coming back from the groups was how much more of these
facilitated conversations they wanted. This wasn’t because they worked like
magic enabling everybody suddenly to agree with everyone else, but they offered
another way of addressing difference. Many of our decision-making processes
require us to take sides, to win arguments, to beat the opposition and to gain
power by defeating ‘the other’. It doesn’t have to be that way. I was
profoundly moved by members in my group holding diametrically opposed views
who, after expressing their pain and anger, went on to work together to try and
find ways forward that took seriously the perspectives of all of them. While
agreement may be desirable, Chris, it may be more important to learn how
to disagree well.’ ©BBC Radio 2
Read Part one of the ABC Guide- 'Conflict is Normal: Are you Resolution Ready?' or email us at info@peopleresolutions.com to be the first to receive the series.
