Conflict weariness – that very human trait

Like doctors mediators can be forgiven for developing an overly negative view of life and of people. The overwhelming majority of patients are unwell. Doctors do very little work with the healthy. Life’s infections and afflictions dominate their perspective. Most doctors are extremely busy. The unwell are ever-present. Mediators too see people who are in a painful place in their life or work. This is not a reducing phenomenon. Although resolution provides a soothing palliative for the mediator and the parties, I am frequently shocked by the ease with which people disagree and fight and the range of issues which provoke them.

Time and time again unresolved conflicts are concealed, suppressed or ignored. Disputants in the meantime download frustration, manipulation, aggression and oppression on anyone who happens to be around. Some relish conflict, others are defeated by it. Conflict bleeds outwards and has catastrophic effects on capability and performance. Most UK managers feel ill equipped to manage conflict. Workers in the UK are certainly more willing and able to raise issues and assert their rights often across boundaries of hierarchy and status. Significant amounts of time are consumed as managers are confronted with ‘people problems’ – grievances, disputes and negative behaviour.

Human conflict remains a continuing challenge for many of us. It can weigh us down. Like pheasants in the country or pigeons in town evolution does not seem to have improved our reaction to dangerous and risky situations. Pigeons or pheasants run at cars or freeze. Humans panic in the face of conflict, react aggressively or become completely immobilized by it. Dysfunctional behaviour is normal when conflict happens. If you feel incapable of saying what you need during a dispute you are not weak or unwell. People say or do unexpected things when affected by the emotion and disequilibrium of conflict.

I have recently been writing about conflict resolution again and at least that has forced me to remember resolution as well as conflict. I have reconfigured my conflict weariness into something more constructive - resolution readiness. If conflict is normal then resolution must figure at least as often as protracted disagreement. We humans are so good at selectively remembering the bad stuff even when surrounded by positive, healthy memories. Read all about resolution readiness for organisations in the ABC Guide to Conflict Resolution and re-energise your approach to conflict.

John Crawley

 

Conversations that improve everybody’s lives

It is a shame that mediators across different sectors do not often meet and exchange tips very often because there is a lot we can learn from one another. I recently ran a three day mediation training course with Good Relations Oldham who came into being after the Oldham Riots. On their web site they state that their aim is ‘To help build good relations between people, communities and organisations. Independence and impartiality are our guiding principles.’ GRO ‘offers conflict resolution and mediation services and training’ and claims that ‘we can help you develop insight that will change the way you look at conflict forever.’

A team of dedicated, diverse volunteers have trained over 200 people in mediation and conflict resolution skills and also resolved some difficult community issues. When I met and worked with the team, I was really impressed by how each person had a distinctive voice and had chosen to put considerable personal resources into relationship building for a range of personal, cultural and social reasons. This was not a career trip or qualification hunt but an act of conviction.

The GRO practitioners also had a range of stories, anecdotes and snapshots about their work, the people they have trained and the people they work with. Samples of this appear on a recent video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmlvss4_trE.

GRO has created a powerful resource achieving much more than just an improvement of case resolution rates. When workplace mediators finish their training they are often equally inspired by what they have learned about themselves, and the positive nature of mediation. Hopefully they retain and develop their optimism as they work through their cases. Many organisations leave it there and do not make the most of what they have created.

What I learned from GRO is that it is possible to go beyond casework and offer much more than just an alternative to more formal, legal approaches to conflict resolution. This dedicated group has developed beyond mediation casework to also provide training, conflict coaching, community building and group facilitation. This is a model that I believe could suit many workplaces. Just imagine the spreading the skills and self-awareness that build good relations and encourage challenging ‘conversations that improve everybody’s lives.’

See more about ‘going beyond casework in the up and coming ABC Guide to WorkplaceConflict Resolution – Part 2 Resolution Architecture.

John Crawley

Adding Conflict Management and Mediation Skills to Management Competencies – Improving the Resolution Architecture

Including Mediation A new study on Forbes suggests that CEOs are doing a ‘lousy job when it comes to people management’ and the ‘lowest rated skill was conflict management.’ 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2013/05/23/ceos-are-terrible-at-management-study-finds/ 

Listening skills, empathy and compassion also scored badly (23%). Of course CEOs need to focus on the bottom line and their decision-making ability is rated much higher in this study. This managerial skills defecit has also been noticed in recent CIPD Fact Sheet on Employee Relations at work

‘Managing the employment relationship rests heavily on the shoulders of line managers, but their competence in this area is, in general, seriously neglected…..A much wider area of knowledge is now required, along with the skills to apply it, including communications and conflict management.’

It is difficult to achieve a balance between people skills and technical, business and professional skills when designing leadership and management training. I believe that the Resolution Architecture at work and general levels of trust, engagement and capability would be improved and resolution-readiness increased if Conflict Management and Mediation skills were more prominently featured in Leadership and Management competencies and standards (see our ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution). As these skills contain listening, building trust, facilitation and working across diverse teams this change would also have a positive impact on engagement, trust and capability.

I recently sat on a working party leading a Skills CFA review and update of Leadership and Management National Occupational Standards. Conflict resolution and mediation skills barely appeared at all amongst a mass of competencies seen as leadership and management essentials. Without some mention in the standards I felt it was unlikely that these skills would ever be identified as central to success and worth investing in. The Resolution Architecture at work would remain non-conducive to early resolution by managers.

The review panel agreed that this was an omission so I designed a new standard which is ‘about managing conflicts across the broader work environment, between different stakeholders, working at different levels and in different departments or organisations. It covers taking preventative action to avoid the negative impacts of conflicts and resolving conflicts when they emerge.’ NOS are intended as guides to best practice so why not take a look and consider adding some of the skills, understanding and knowledge to your leadership competencies? 

Available at http://www.sqa.org.uk/files_ccc/CFAM_LDD5.pdf or  http://www.skillscfa.org/images/pdfs/National%20Occupational%20Standards/Management%20and%20Leadership/2012/Management%20and%20Leadership.pdf.

Many of these skills are covered in our conflict resolution and mediation training courses which you can find on our website but do get in touch to info@peopleresolutions.com  and be sure to download our 'ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolutions' guide and watch our video series. 

John Crawley

How to Disagree Well

Listening to the radio on the way into work the other day I heard ‘Thought for the Day’ in which The Revered Ruth Scott, an Anglican vicar in Richmond spoke about managing conflict on a highly emotive issue – Women Bishops - that comes with centuries of beliefs, history and values attached. Ruth mentions that ‘Many of our decision-making processes require us to take sides, to win arguments, to beat the opposition and to gain power by defeating ‘the other’. It doesn’t have to be that way.’

Ruth also outlines core skills that she used such as listening attentively, ‘holding in sight the humanity of the other’ and ‘respecting the right of the other to share their story.’ This piece recognised the need to look at processes and skills when attempting to resolve age-old differences. The fact that this proactive, dialogue based approach is being applied to such a difficult conflict is encouraging.

I have spent most of my working life helping people at work to ‘disagree well’ - a concept which is threaded through our new ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution.  This series of whitepapers is full of ideas and practical steps to take. The ultimate goal is to create an environment at work in which conflict is no longer viewed as something that spreads fear, confusion and closed thinking. ‘Resolution ready’ organisations resolve conflict in a positive way, so that disagreement becomes a fertile, engaging experience in which ideas flourish, performance is restored and trust rebuilt.

I wish the Revered Ruth Scott all the best in her facilitation endeavours. The full text  Ruth’s short talk are published below:

“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words.” So sang Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. She reminds us that while it may be good to talk, communication isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Over the weekend I was helping to facilitate conversations at General Synod between members whose views about Women Bishops are very different.  

One reason why communication goes pear-shaped and conflict occurs is because fear prevents us having difficult conversations in the way we need to have them – by listening attentively, respecting the right of the other to share their story, taking responsibility for the consequences of the different choices we have, and always holding in sight the humanity of the other. The conversations at Synod were painful because members heard how damaging earlier debates had been, not only to themselves, but to those they opposed.

Acknowledging shared pain and working to reframe the dialogue was emotionally costly, but by the end of the day the message coming back from the groups was how much more of these facilitated conversations they wanted. This wasn’t because they worked like magic enabling everybody suddenly to agree with everyone else, but they offered another way of addressing difference. Many of our decision-making processes require us to take sides, to win arguments, to beat the opposition and to gain power by defeating ‘the other’. It doesn’t have to be that way. I was profoundly moved by members in my group holding diametrically opposed views who, after expressing their pain and anger, went on to work together to try and find ways forward that took seriously the perspectives of all of them. While agreement may be desirable, Chris, it may be more important to learn how to disagree well.’ ©BBC Radio 2

Read Part one of the ABC Guide- 'Conflict is Normal: Are you Resolution Ready?'  or email us at info@peopleresolutions.com to be the first to receive the series. 

Unresolved Conflict Stops You Working

The cost, risk and stress associated with unresolved conflict at work is well documented.

‘Conflict between individuals in the workplace can cost an organisation dear. In 2011–12, there were 186,300 employment tribunal claims (MOJ 2012). Over the

past decade there has been a significant increase in employment rights legislation, providing additional avenues for employees to seek recourse through formal channels. People are also now more aware of their rights at work. This expanded legal framework means that, if employers do not manage conflict effectively, the consequences can be serious.[1]’

Negative conflict narrative is abundant and persuasive. The following conflict snapshots are from real life situations:

Levi doesn’t like difficult conversations so he avoids monitoring Stanislav’s performance. When ‘Stan’s performance suddenly dips Levi sends a formal sounding email to set up a review meeting. Stan responds by putting in a grievance for bullying and goes off sick with stress.

Team Gold at the Crawley Call Centre like a ‘bit of banter’ and often pepper one another with texts and emails. They’re all OK with that including the manager as it ‘oils the wheels.’ Two new team members start and are welcomed by a jokey email in which the word ‘gay’ appears. One of them goes to the Team leader and is in a dilemma being gay but not yet out in this organisation.

Sigmaplusplus computing has 11 employees and is a family run business. The director and lead IT specialist disagree aggressively about spending £3000 on external IT support when ‘it was thought this could be handled in-house.’ An external mediator is brought in and the two central parties agree to differ and move on. No-one else is involved and the mediation is kept quite ‘secret’ and the atmosphere continues to worsen. Production dips.’

Grimmingtonland Council has a in-house mediation service and it gets 4 cases a year all of which have been successfully mediated. They are happy with that after a £10,000 plus spend.

Professor Bingaling from Sinistre College is a well know flirt, maverick academic and very direct manager. He has had 4 grievances taken out of him all without a proven outcome. He brings in significant research funds and staff think he is untouchable.

All of these stories could have positive conclusions. One of our aims with the ABC guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution is to show how to turn these negative conflict situations around. Watch this space.

John Crawley

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[1] Mediation An Approach to Resolving Workplace Issues; ACAS CIPD paper Feb 2013

Conflict is normal – replacing negative narrative with positive stories

Conflict is all over our papers, screens and social media – a global phenomenon. Conflict voyeur programmes like Big Brother and Jeremy Kyle incite participants to disagree knowing that we will all watch thinking smugly that we are better than that. Resolution is a far less frequent visitor to our screens than conflict.

Conflict is dramatic and to some compelling and involving. But it need not always be so negative, so scary. Conflicts within the context of our own working and personal lives are within our control. They are normal consequences of empowered citizens and diverse working communities. Different people sometimes fall out. If we accept that conflict happens then for sure there will be solutions out there too.

In the workplace over the last 25 years I have seen panic when conflict happens, treating it like a disease of illness. People freeze, fight or run away. I also have massive personal experience of a more positive approach to conflict based on early win/win resolution where managers have boldy stayed impartial, set up mediation-style meetings and transformed working relationships. I know of external mediators who have settled long-term disputes over working conditions and restored confidence and capability. Even when some bad behaviour has alienated a team and provoked calls for ‘justice’ I have seen an independent investigation lead to positive change through clear evidencing of the bad behaviour and an onset of restorative work like coaching or training.

Resolutions reduce the fear and anger around conflict. They also demonstrate how conflict can be a positive force for growth and change. The challenge for conflict resolvers out there is to replace the damaging negative stories around conflict with positive ones. Perhaps what we really need is a blockbuster movie which shows conflict AND resolution – Win Hard, The Texas Cando Mediator, Harry Potter and the Resolution Stone, Despicable Mediator 2 ?

Sign up for Conflict is Normal - Part One of John Crawley’s ABC Guide toConflict Resolution at Work. Due out next week. 

Reframing Resolution - The ABC Approach to Workplace Conflict Resolution (A taster ahead of next week’s launch)

The ABC approach is based around three new reflective metaphors designed to help you think about where you are, what works and what else you need to do to manage conflict at work successfully.  

·         Using Resolution Architecture™ - to design a resolution-ready workplace.

• Introducing or enhancing Resolution Building Blocks ™ to increase resolution capacity, introduce resolution efficiency measures and reduce the cost of conflict
• Changing the Resolution Climate™ - moving from conflict reactive behaviour and thinking to a conflict resolution culture

 Over the next few months we will be releasing some really useful guides using this approach.

Resolution Architecture ™

I’ve developed this term to encourage reflection on the processes, structures, systems, physical environment, social media that house, give context to and condition individual, team and collective workplace conflict resolution behaviours and thinking.

Like architecture in general, resolution architecture sometimes works and sometimes does not achieve its intended purpose. Resolution architecture is often an accident of occurrence rather than design. Over time fashions change and architecture is particularly prone to the influence of strong powerful people and of fashion. Resolution architecture is the same.

For example most grievance procedures give structure and context to conflict conversations but they were designed in a time of deep industrial unrest with significant mistrust between employer and employee. These processes need a new design, an architectural update.

Architecture is also about accommodating improvements in technology and it is important to reflect on how on-line and e-communication can both encourage conflict and assist in its resolution. I suggest you include that if you are redesigning up to date resolution architecture.

Resolution Building Blocks ™

These are the practical, substantive measures that can be introduced to create a resolution capacity where there is none, or improve existing capability. Without building blocks architecture becomes a fictional pursuit. They put the substance into the concepts and ideas. In tough times spending is tight but be reassured many resolution building blocks do not cost a fortune. Nor are they for big organisations only. A wide range of effective models and tips will be included in the Resolution Building Blocks section of the ABC Guide. For example the ‘Talk-it-Out’ resolution and mediation model; the RESPECT model of conflict coaching.

Resolution Climate™

Resolution Climate™ describes the more intangible aspects of atmosphere, culture, habit and circumstance that conditions how we feel and think about conflict at work. Unlike the weather Resolution Climate is susceptible to control. In Section Four of the guide we will be looking at what characteristics and values need to be developed to encourage a resolution culture. Initial research suggests that there are some organisational characteristics more conducive to mediation than others (1) such as how ‘democratic’ or ‘communitarian’ an organisation is.

You may already have in place some of the ingredients conducive to a Resolution Climate. We will be inviting you to share your experience of creating a conflict resolution climate. Many organisations across a range of sectors are starting to use mediation more and have some Resolution Architecture and Building Blocks in place. The Army and Barnardo’s; Citi Bank and the Greater London Authority; NHS Grampian and several private schools. At first glance these organisations could not be more different in terms of sector, values and purpose but they have all funded mediation.

One thing they share is the ability to substantiate the business case for mediation and raise resources. They also share some belief that win/win and not win/lose resolutions have a value for working communities.  The ability to engage stakeholders, and building resolution awareness and commitment is also a key ingredient these organisation share.

For more information start collecting the ‘ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution’ available exclusively from People Resolutions Ltd – released in four monthly guides by signing up at info@peopleresolutions.com

John Crawley

References

1)      Mediation: A critical analysis of the changing nature of dispute resolution in the workplace (BUIRA Conference June 28 2012) AJW Bennett

Mediation – transforming workplaces - Are you resolution ready?

As we’re about to launch our ABC guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution I wanted to expand the conventionally narrow definition of mediation as a ‘dispute resolution process facilitated by an impartial third party who assist the parties to resolve disputes in a safe, confidential, constructive setting.’

I see mediation as a life / work role that people need to step into when circumstances suggest it might be appropriate and when it is potentially useful to others. Like other life roles – manager, carer, parent, friend or partner – the mediation role involves the deployment of a group of identifiable behaviours such as impartiality, active listening, conflict facilitation and resolution techniques. These skills are hugely beneficial in the workplace for leaders and managers.

Mediation also involves using language in a neutral, non-judgemental way – for example saying to people what you need from them rather than what you think of them.

Resolving to get the best out of people

The mediation approach to conflict resolution is driven by a set of optimistic values[1]:

•       Conflict is OK and can lead to positive growth and change

•       Most people do not choose to be difficult or negative with others , but become so when their needs are not being met, or when their own needs clash with others

•       Win/win solutions are more satisfactory than win/lose

•       People at work have common interests but often fail to recognise them when in a conflict

•       People can balance their own needs with others and find mutually acceptable resolutions

•       People often do not think straight when they are in a stressful situation but are able to come up with workable solutions if their stress is reduced

•       Conflict resolution enables diverse communities to understand and work with one another to achieve their full potential

•       Once people who have different views and values start communicating constructively about their differences they will be more able to work together and trust one another.

Mediation turns an argument into a win/win discussion and agreement. Workplaces will benefit tremendously if mediation values, thinking and behaviour is put at the centre of people management strategies. See how you can do this in the soon to be published ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict resolution. Sign up to receive your copy here. 

John Crawley

[1] Argument to Agreement – Resolving Disputes through Mediation, Crawley J, published by JCMediation June 2012

People Resolutions announce 'Conflict is normal – are you resolution ready?' whitepaper

People Resolutions are excited to announce our a new series of practical, positive white papers from John Crawley, the UK’s most prolific author and thought leader on workplace conflict resolution and mediation. These will build into the ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution aimed at helping people at work:

• Change the way they think about conflict resolution
• Change behaviour from conflict reactive to conflict proactive
• Learn how to use Resolution Architecture™ to design a resolution-ready workplace
• Create Resolution Building Blocks ™ to reduce the cost of conflict
• Build a Conflict Resolution Climate ™ to enhance engagement, resilience and performance and move away from a conflict reactive environment which stops you working.

A series of articles will be published monthly from July 2013 containing strategic and practical advice based on 25 years of workplace resolution expertise. In those white papers John has also created 3 brand new reflective metaphors - ‘Resolution Architecture’, ‘Resolution Building Blocks’ and ‘Resolution Climate’ designed to bring insight into and change thinking around the challenges of workplace conflict.

The ABC Guide to Workplace Conflict Resolution will assist a wide range of organisations to:

·         Work through conflicts constructively to rebuild communication, restore trust and revive performance
·         Manage their conflict risk effectively 

·     Send a strong message to everyone in the workplace that there is a commitment to resolution and working together when things get tough
·         Aim for conflict resolution excellence
·         Address conflict early and avoid costly escalation
·         Take a fair, appropriately challenging approach when resolution is not possible or appropriate
·         Reduce resolution costs and introduce resolution improvement measures
·         Significantly reduce the cost of conflict at work
·         Resolve disputes within the workplace and get people back to work.
·         Make the most of resources that you invest in conflict resolution and get a good return on investment
·         Get on with one another and your work.

The white papers will be supported by regular videos, blogs, articles and webinars. 

Sign-up now here to be the first to be updated. 

Next week, our blog will be a preview before the July launch and publication.

Reducing Email stress at work through 'E-tiquette'

According to an up and coming study from Loughborough University reading and sending emails prompts tell-tale signs of stress including elevated blood pressure, heart rate and levels of the hormone cortisol.

The conflict risks of E-communication is one of the areas covered in our new White Paper coming up in July.

Prof Tom Jackson of Loughborough University, who led the study which has not yet been published, said: "The brain can only deal with eight to 12 tasks at any one time and if you can't shut those tasks down you start to become overloaded and fatigued.

"Multifunctional devices like Blackberrys and iPhones allow workers to be accessible 24-hours a day unlike ever before [but] because of this it is likely that there will be an increase in stress levels."

Researchers who followed a group of 30 government employees found that 83 per cent became more stressed while using email, rising to 92 per cent when speaking on the phone and using email at the same time.

Although receiving a single message was no more stressful than answering one phone call or talking to someone face-to-face, emails had a stronger effect overall because people received so many each day.

Emails which were irrelevant, which interrupted work or demanded an immediate response were particularly taxing, while those which arrived in response to completed work had a calming effect.

The study also found that people were unable to identify accurately when their body was showing signs of stress and often were unaware of their state, he added This would indicate that employees might find it difficult to self-regulate their use of communication media to ensure they do not become overwhelmed by stress."

Do you have any examples of e-mail stress and conflict?

We will be launching a useful whitepaper highlighting the issues of conflict- including Etiquette